Things that brighten my life - His love

His love more than compensates for all the pain that I've ever gone through in my life. But what means the most to me is the space he gives me to just be. To cuddle or whine, to ponder over my existence, to weep when I'm depressed, to gaze open-mouthed at the stars, to admit when I miss someone else more than him. To have the possibility to more far away from him or even break free in search of my happiness and peace.
And the more he sets me free, the more strongly I get bound to him. In his love I find most of my solace.

Things that brighten my life - my green tea

There was a time when I wanted to start drinking green tea because of its antioxidant and slimming properties. I tried a lot of varieties but the simple flavors of green tea just didn't suit my complex Indian tastebuds. But then I chanced upon developing a recipe that's perfect for me. I simply add lemon and honey to my tea in proportions that all three flavors taste equally strong.
A cup of my green tea every morning brightens up my day. It's a very light drink, as opposed to masala chai. I love it now, just for the flavor - bitter, sour and sweet. And who knows, it might as well be doing the antioxidant and slimming action inside me.

Things that brighten my life - blueberries

Last week a dear friend came to Hong Kong and I was pretty excited to welcome her because I am absolutely alone here. When she left, I could have gone super sad. But I went to a supermarket to buy some blueberries because I felt I 'deserved' to have them at that moment. I 'longed' to have them melt in my mouth because that would be the most gratifying feeling possible at that moment. And that made me realize what blueberries actually mean to me. I declare that they have overtaken my fetish for guavas. Yes, I love them THAT much. 

Unseen Bollywood Masterpieces - Sardari Begum (1996)

Another powerful movie by Shyam Benegal, Sardari Begum, touched my heart for the subtle complexity and sincerity in its story. All performances are splendid and make the plot so real that the movie actually achieves its purpose of keeping you thinking for hours. Music is phenomenal, as demanded by the screenplay. The movie beautifully conveys how imperfection and hypocrisy are part of every human being and it is silly to blind yourself to the dark side of your heroes.

We all live by some rather hollow ideals, mostly subconsciously. Sardari, for example, even in her in desperate financial need refuses to sing in concerts and doesn't accept the money from her brother, while she comfortably accepts money for organizing weddings for fugitive lovers. She willingly helps her people in need but doesn't shy away from highlighting her sacrifices or favors. Most strikingly though, despite having lived her life on her own terms, she is no less impervious to the desires of her daughter than her father was to hers. Even as she dies, she binds her daughter to the tradition that she has built only after breaking the tradition of her own family. But all her outward confidence and drama, it appears, is perhaps just a facade to hide her deep insecurity and discontentment. 

The film raises questions on the objectivity of our ideals and beliefs. Is a life lived on one's own terms worth it if it has taken away everything other than one's first love? Is pursuit of perfection or contentment any more than an illusion? Is there no meaning at all in leading a life defined by others? And is accepting an external piece of advice any inferior to following your heart?

Unseen Bollywood Masterpieces - Arth (1982)

This film by Mahesh Bhatt searches for the meaning of life of a married woman who is betrayed by her husband for another woman. It is an inspiring journey of a stranded and lonely woman through states of pain, wait, anger, distrust, forgiveness and confidence. Initially holding the hands of her supporters and friends, she manages to finally reach a place where she forgets her past and feels complete in her own skin.

I cannot avoid praising the captivating beauty and performance of Shabana Azmi. The performance of supporting actors and charm of the ghazals is highly creditworthy too.

The movie mildly reaffirms the fact that while we try to find the meaning of life extrinsically, we can find that fulfillment only within ourselves.

Unseen Bollywood Masterpieces - Ijaazat (1987)

A movie by Gulzar that talks about both practicality and idealism in love - possessiveness of a wife, compassion of an ex-girlfriend and sensitivity of a man towards the people in his life. The story was filled with realistic problems and yet had a fresh poetic appeal.

The songs were such a treat:

- Khaali Haath Sham Aayee Hai
- Mera Kuchh Saamaan
- Katra Katra
- Chotisi Kahani Se


Underlying message: Despite the pain or guilt that tie us to our past, life must move on.

I am back, friends!!

God knows how much I crave for order in my life. During the past 2 years my online presence had become so scattered that I'd begun to feel uncomfortable. Today I tried to bring all my blogs together and happened to see some of the posts on this one. Am I the only one who feels foolish to look at myself in retrospect? All my previous posts and thoughts seems so limited and imperfect today. I am not sure if I should feel embarrassed about the past me or glad for my rapid transformation.

Anyway, I've decided to retain the previous posts regardless of my stance on them now. I'll be more regular here going forward.